In this space every Wednesday, the La Mesa Patch Moms Council poses a question and invites your wisdom—and chimes in themselves.
The council is captained by Mommin’ Around columnist Genevieve Suzuki. Other members of the Moms Council are Deena While, Linda Byerlin and Tony Lawrence.
Now the question:
How old is old enough to date? When did you allow your son or daughter to have a girlfriend or boyfriend?
In middle school one of the moms told me how excited she was that her daughter could finally dress sexy -- that was shocking to me. You really want people to notice your 11 year old daughter as sexy??? Personally I think starting too early adds so much social pressure to kids. Parents are actually doing their kids a favor by limiting this activity. I think no sooner than 10th grade. Give your child a safety net, "No, my parents don't allow me". My husband and I have always stressed the importance of education first. There will always be time for social, but today you need your education.
I am vocally against using the "boyfriend/girlfriend" tag too early. I do not think it is cute to swoon over your 4 year old and call someone his girlfriend. I did not let my kids use that term until they were 13. That is not to say they did not use it at school or whatever, but I told them that is a commitment that should mean something. I think the fawning and forcing titles on different classes of kids' friends is unhealthy and sets expectations. Let kids have friends - and Deena - wow, I agree - the whole describing kids as sexy?! In middle school?! c'mon parents think about what you are doing. I know a women who took a pole dancing class for her husband, which I am fine with, applaud even, except she took it with her 13 year old daughter. Maybe I am old fashioned bu I really think we need to let our kids be kids - adulthood comes fast enough and is inevitable.
I had my first "boyfriend" in 4th grade. We spent an hour on the phone with each other every night and sat together at lunch. He gave me gifts like gum or cassette tapes (which I later figured out he was stealing from his older sister -- thanks, Nikki), but we never kissed and I certainly never dressed sexy for him. It was more about hanging out and paying attention to each other and enjoying our common interests (music, Rubic's cubes). That probably went on for about a month or two, and after that I didn't have another boyfriend until the summer between 8th grade and high school. In hindsight, the 4th grade boyfriend experience helped me prepare -- in an innocent way -- for the emotions of "real" dating later. I think my almost-teenager would benefit from "dating" the boy she likes, because she is more like I was. My 7-year-old, however, is less modest and more socially aggressive than her sister, so she might be better off waiting until she's 15.
One of my buddies is paying child support to two different women. Guys, you really need to avoid this predicament. And parents, GET YOUR KIDS OUT OF PUBLIC SCHOOL! "Socialization" (sex, drugs and rock & roll education) is not necessary and is in fact a major detriment to success. Just take a look at the crowd camped out at the concourse downtown. Better yet, get up close and take a smell. That is the public education industry's finished product.
25 before you date? You are not connected with reality at all. Did you not date until you turned 25? That would explain alot. I had lunch with a group of veterans camping out down town, I will tell them what you think of them and their opinions and their smell. I am sorry you feel the need to look down your nose at everyone. It must be lonely up in that ivory tower all alone with Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Jesus and Batman.
I didn't date when I was in high school. Getting laid doesn't make you a man, it makes you a dog in human's clothing. I'm not talking about the vets. I'm talking about those college graduates who don't even know how to repay their student loans. You know, "the 99%". A 99% failure rate would spell death for any private sector corporation, but the taxpayer funded public education industry just keeps blundering along.
I didn't date 'till I was 18. Mainly because I didn't have a car until then. My parents promised to give me their '65 Mustang, if I waited until 18 to get my driver's license. It was an offer I couldn't refuse. Finally car was mine, ALL mine. I had to buy my own insurance, gasoline, oil, tires and since I had to fix it myself I was very careful not to bang it up.
If you think that public schools is the only place a teenager is going to get excited - you clearly do not understand human nature - and certainly somehow past through puberty without normal urges. Teenager boys will see women at the beach, the grocery store, the library, jogging down the street, the park - you can not prevent it. Nobody can.
If you had the fortitude and wisdom not to date and focus on your studies, you were indeed an exceptional young man. "I know what I am talking about" - that is debatable. You somehow survived, I know me and hundreds of people who somehow became thriving, productive members of society despite the government's funded anchors of public school. You can not allow for any of that. You have a predisposed position to blame someone, anyone for the problems - it's the government's fault, or the school system, or gays, or immigrants. You scream accountability, but cast a broad net of failure over the school system. You made it, I am sure because your parents - or your documented beyond your years sense of responsibility and guile to weave through the barrage of sex and drugs and turned out OK - taught you. I am teaching my kids, and millions of parents teach - or don't - their kids about life and the world. Batman, if that is indeed your real name, the real world is not as scary as they tell you it is on Fox news, you should join it at some point.
I learned to overhaul brakes and everything, had to if I wanted to go anywhere. By the time the Mustang wore out I had cash enough to by a brand new '86 Firebird.
I actually don't blame the teachers for their attitude, I blame the unions. Now how responsible is it for the mentors of our children to be affiliated with "the cement boot indusrtry"? Seems mighty foolish to me. Teachers are supposed to be professionals. What does a professional need with a "labor" union? So the goof balls downtown are not the 99%? Gee, why would they lie?
I hate to break it to you, but unless you have a cache of wealth that starts with "multi-million" you are one of the 99%. You may not be part of OWS, but you are one of the 99%. I am not sure where the "goof balls" or how you are connecting and selecting or calling liars? Please clarify. As far as the broad brush you want to use to paint teachers and their labor induced bad attitudes - I will use a much broader sample and personal one - the teachers are underpaid, have a great rapport with the kids, spend countless hours off the clock and spend countless dollars out of pocket - including the teachers you mentioned - and put up with parents who think they know everything about everything and can not entertain the notion their little angel could be anything less than perfect. I blame the current generation of helicopter parents for "going to war" for their kids. When I was in school, the teacher was right. The adults in the neighborhood were right. As I got older, my bosses were right. Parents want to protect their little Einsteins and do not want to let them grow up or face any adversity. Stop being their friend - be their parent. I think you can be both, but not at the expense of being a parent - if you have to choose, choose parents.
Back on topic: There is no need for kids under 18 to date. I they choose to date as adults that is their business. However, I would suggest for the boys at least, they should concentrate their efforts on becoming men first. Becoming financially independent is an excellent goal for any man. A young man in his 20s who is single and living with his parents is in an ideal position to earn and SAVE money and become independently well-off. He needs spend his time as a teenager and young adult learning skills, the more the better. The more he can do the less likely he'll be unemployed. If a college or university is offering a field of study he has a keen interest in he should go, otherwise he should not waste his time. The education industry may have a monopoly on education, but they do not have a monopoly on success. I'm making a big stink here because I've found something that works and I want to pass the idea along to as many young guys as I can. Nobody is under any obligation to believe anything I say, take it or leave it. Even if 99% is an exaggeration there are far too many young fellas in the debt trap. I want to change that. As for the public school teachers: They are so bloddy stupid they have aligned themselves with the criminal element! Your children are not safe with them.