10 Reasons to be Thankful You’re Not a Celebrity
This Thanksgiving I enjoyed a quiet dinner with family and close friends. As we discussed the many things for which we’re thankful, I thought about lucky celebrities and their many riches.
But then I realized that all that glitters isn’t always gold. Sometimes it’s cheaply plated plastic, particularly when we’re talking Hollywood.
1. Your private life is exactly that—private.
So you want to step out with the guy next door or the cute girl from work. Outside of gossipy neighbors and office busybodies, you’re good to go. No one is going to speculate whether a wedding is on the horizon after the first date.
As for the feud you have going on with a work rival, you’re free to hate on him to friends without worrying about one of them running off to tell Perez Hilton.
2. Your spouse isn’t kissing Angelina Jolie for “work.”
Once upon a time there was a married couple named Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Then Brad went to work and kissed the beautiful princess/evil queen/generous philanthropist Angelina.
Aren’t you glad now for Phyllis, the nice—happily married—lady who bakes chocolate chip cookies for your husband on Christmas?
3. You can keep your legal woes from your neighbors.
Arrested for driving under the influence? Being audited by the IRS? Outside of your immediate circle, no one gives a hoot. But Wesley Snipes and Heather Locklear … Well, just take a look at their mug shots.
4. You can eat a donut in peace.
Bristol Palin may be more faux celeb, but the poor girl’s eating habits are being pondered by strangers all over the Internet. I’m OK with eating sugary sweets without anyone speculating whether I’m pregnant or have just let myself go.
And then there are the nasty jibes at Christina Aguilera and Kelly Clarkson for wearing tight dresses onstage at the American Music Awards. While it may have taken just one dress to make Jennifer Lopez a style icon, all it takes is one dress to knock it all down.
5. Your hot mess won’t be on the cover of the National Enquirer.
So you went to Vons in your old sweats, or decided against wearing mascara to the gym. No biggie—you’re allowed to be yourself without paparazzi forever memorializing that image for generations to come.
6. As you age, you (usually) get more respect at your job.
Mature actors—Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep and Glenn Close, to name just three fantastic examples—have to contend with young starlets and public perception they’re too old for lead female roles. Never mind they’re experienced, nuanced and beautiful.
Members of Joe Public, on the other hand, usually get more recognition as they age in their occupations. I’d take “Louise is an amazing accountant—she’s been in the position for more than 20 years!” over “Uh, we’re actually thinking more Scarlett Johansson for this role.”
Even worse, if actors aren’t as successful as Keaton, Streep and Close, they suddenly own the nickname “Has-been.”
7. You can have a bad day.
There are days when you feel you just can’t win. You’re cut off on the freeway; you wait for half an hour to buy a quart of milk at the grocery store; and your significant other decided to forgo date night for the San Diego State vs. Boise State football game.
The good news is you can swear under your breath and snarl at the bad driver; you can huff and puff in line and grouse to the customer next to you; and you can call your good friend to go out for a "Girls Night Out" without the boys to complain about the boys. If any celebrity indulges in the foregoing antics, we know immediately, thanks to Twitter and other quick social media outlets.
C’mon, haven’t you ever wondered whether Oprah does the middle-finger-under-the-dashboard move?
8. Your child won’t come equipped with an automatic book deal on your parenting skills, or lack thereof.
Mommie Dearest. ‘Nuff said.
9. People like you for you.
I’d be willing to place money on Mark-Paul Gosselaar being asked, “Weren’t you Zack Morris?” at least 75 percent of the time upon meeting someone new. After that kind of opening line, it’s hard to not wonder whether your new friend is your friend or whether he always wanted to be Screech.
10. Holidays remain pure and untouched by a constant need for attention and/or marketing opportunities brainstormed by your crackerjack public relations team.
Justin Bieber is hocking a Macy’s Christmas with an attractive (albeit a little weirdly inappropriate, considering she’s next to a 17-year-old) Mariah Carey; Trisha Yearwood is showing off her Southern Style Christmas on HGTV; and Michael Bublé is crooning for a new special for the season.
Christmas for the rest of us doesn’t mean working hard for a bestselling album or viewership. It’s still maintained its magic without the jolly chubby guy in red bringing news of a successful ad campaign.