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The Trial of the Invisible Hand (Part I)

A courtroom drama: the “Invisible Hand of the market” is on trial, having failed to provide opportunities and prosperity to the residents of Earth as he had promised.

And now, a little courtroom drama, related to the way trade is done in our world. The way things are bought and sold...and the effects it has on our sisters and brothers who we share this planet with.

Sit back and enjoy the show, folks.

* * * * *

The Trial of the Invisible Hand

(Part I)

CAST OF CHARACTERS

THE JUDGE

THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY

THE PROSECUTION ATTORNEY

THE INVISIBLE HAND

BAILIFF

WITNESSES

[SETTING: A typical modern day courtroom. Wooden furniture, ceiling fans blowing at full speed to ameliorate the sweltering August heat.]

BAILIFF: All rise. Court is now in session, the Honorable Judge William J. Pritchard presiding.

[The JUDGE takes the bench. He is a square-shouldered white man in his 60s with a full head of flowing silver hair. His thick glasses reflect an inverse image of the courtroom; obscuring his eyes.]

JUDGE: Be seated. [All present take their seats.] This court will now come to order. In the case of The People of the Nation-States of Afghanistan, Akrotiri, Albania, Algeria, American Samoa, Andorra, Angola, Anguilla… [JUDGE continues to list countries for several minutes] …Vietnam, Virgin Islands, Wake Island, Wallis and Futuna, West Bank, Western Sahara, Yemen, Zambia and Zimbabwe versus the Invisible Hand of the Free Market.

[The INVISIBLE HAND sits at the defense bench next to its attorney. Being invisible, all we can see is its suit—Armani, freshly pressed, immaculate—with four sleeves for each of the Hand’s enormous fingers, and one sleeve for the stubby thumb jutting out the side of the Hand. The fingers dangle menacingly in the air, waving back and forth at the eye level of the DEFENSE ATTORNEY, as the Hand sits on its heel. The wooden chair creaks beneath its weight. We can’t make out any discernible face—the Hand being invisible and all—but it seems to be smirking.]

JUDGE: The Invisible Hand is being charged with failing to fulfill its promise to provide opportunities, jobs, prosperity and liberty to the citizens of the aforementioned countries. Mr. Hand, how do you plead?

[A guttural, gurgling noise erupts from somewhere within the INVISIBLE HAND’S suit, startling many of the people present in the courtroom. The Hand’s attorney leans in close, listens to the primordial cacophony erupting from within the enormous suit, and looks up at the JUDGE.]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: The Defense pleads not guilty, Your Honor.

[A din of conversation rolls through the courtroom.]

JUDGE: Order! Order! Order in the courtroom! [Crowd silences.] At this time, the Court will hear opening arguments.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Your Honor, I’d like to begin if I may.

[The DEFENSE ATTORNEY representing the INVISIBLE HAND speaks with a charming Mississippi drawl. He pats the Hand on the back fraternally as he rises from his seat, pushing himself up with a beefy left hand. The DEFENSE ATTORNEY is a corpulent white man dressed in an equally enormous white suit and black string bowtie. His face is red, puffy, covered with a sheen of sweat that drips down into his white goatee and moustache. He fans himself with a wicker hand fan as he speaks, taking frequent breaks to dab his forehead with a red handkerchief from his vest pocket. A white fedora sits atop his head.]

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Your Honor, this trial is pure tomfoolery, plain and simple! My client has dutifully and faithfully given opportunities, prosperity and liberty to the plaintiffs. Why, these baseless accusations against my client…the very thought that he might have failed to provide for the world’s population…it’s not only a cruel attack on my client’s character, but it’s an attack on all of humanity! On freedom! On happiness! On Jesus!

[The DEFENSE ATTORNEY ends on a high note, his clenched fist raised high in the air in a Statue of Liberty pose. His face has grown significantly redder.]

JUDGE: The Prosecution will deliver its opening statement.

PROSECUTION ATTORNEY: Thank you very much, Your Honor.

[The PROSECUTION ATTORNEY stands lithely from his chair. He is a tall, 30-something black man wearing a suit that shows signs of wear and tear, evidence of years of honest work. His speech is accented with the Oxford tone of an educated man from Anglophone sub-Saharan Africa. He glances around the courtroom calmly.]

PROSECUTION ATTORNEY: The Prosecution rests, Your Honor. We will base our case solely on the testimony of our witnesses.

[The INVISIBLE HAND’S chair creaks as the Hand turns and looks to its left, staring incredulously at the PROSECUTION ATTORNEY.]

JUDGE: Very well, counsel. You may call your first witness.

To be continued…

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Komfort January 28, 2012 at 05:54 AM
I hate to give the end away, but they end the ban on DDT and save more lives than this author can imagine. Oh and if it wasn't obvious: http://www.cracked.com/funny-3455-middle-aged-white-guys/
Craig Maxwell January 28, 2012 at 03:28 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8vqF7VbxY8
Janet Mercer-Grey January 29, 2012 at 02:49 AM
We all want the hand! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g3tQaqizh0&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL8DC9219340EE568A
Things I Spurned January 29, 2012 at 07:16 PM
An (invisible) "hand party"? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-7Qzcooklk
Kevin George April 12, 2012 at 09:14 PM
I'll second that one K. Are your comments " Pending Approval" like most of mine?
Batman April 14, 2012 at 01:37 AM
You have to understand the difference between "fair trade" and "free trade". In the "fair trade" environment when a street ganger comes up to you with a gun and demands your money you hand it over and then feel good that you provided him his dope fix for the day. In the "free trade" environment you pull out your .45, blow his head off and keep your money.
Deena While June 18, 2012 at 03:32 PM
Isn't that getting old - real fast? I'm tired of all the dang polls. But I guess if you don't have anyone out getting news you have to fill in with something...
Kevin George August 01, 2012 at 11:39 PM
Yup, sure is funny, we were told hundreds of times that Saddam had no WMDs. We were even told that George Bush KNEW we he didn't have any WMDs. Thousands of UN officials scoured Iraq and they couldn't find any. Some were called idiotic sycophants for believing Saddam had them. Suddenly we get this " matter of fact" report that there are two bunkers full of chemical weapons in Baghdad and everyone just looks the other way. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2004/oct/07/usa.iraq1 http://articles.cnn.com/2004-10-06/world/iraq.wmd.report_1_nuclear-weapons-charles-duelfer-iraq-s-wmd?_s=PM:WORLD http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26030573/ns/today-today_news/t/author-claims-bush-knew-iraq-had-no-wmd/#.UBm8YbSe4w0
Brokeback Huslame Oblamy MMM, HMM, UMM August 24, 2012 at 05:01 AM
It's like Special Olympics or something.
Jason October 31, 2012 at 01:25 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJo18lvnGYk
Kevin George December 01, 2012 at 01:21 AM
If I could find that stinking spammer I know where the Louis Vuitton handbag would be.
Batman March 18, 2013 at 06:36 PM
They are stealing 10% of the money out of everyones bank accounts. But only 6.7% if you're not "rich".
Batman March 18, 2013 at 11:08 PM
Wait 'till it happens here. The IRS will make the Mafia look like a gang of hubcap thieves. Oh, that's right, the IRS already makes the Mafia look like hubcap thieves.
Things I Learned May 08, 2013 at 07:40 PM
That's what I call high capacity!
Kevin George May 14, 2013 at 04:07 PM
Well they did it again. The moronic horde from the North manages to get another article shut down. Here's my response to BA2 about my " teenie weenie" That's right BA, 1000 sq ft, we were way, way ahead of this minimalist greenie craze. Back when all the people who are now SUDDENLY GREEN were selling their nice little house in town to buy a McMansion five times bigger than they needed 25 miles out of town and looking down at us like we were idiots for not ratcheting up our lifestyle, we said why? My wife and I, big bad conservatives, who liberals portray as Humvie driving, planet burners, are living with a carbon footprint much, much smaller than these greenies here who now portray themselves as the stalwarts of nature and protectors of the environment by living in Temecula in 3500 q ft house with air conditioning and heated pools and then point their fingers at me and call me stupid. And oh ya, I sure wish I lived in Temecula, not here in La Mesa where I can live without air conditioning and am in walking distance of anything I need. Sure wish I lived out in the wide open spaces in a neighborhood where my cookie cutter house differs only by address number. I don't care where you live, but don't look down your nose at me and tell me I am inferior because I don't have solar electricity.

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