Getting Burned at the Charcoal House

“The first thing I need to tell you is that we’re all out of filet,” our waitress said soon after we sat down to order dinner at the .

It all went downhill from there.

We first dined about four years ago at the landmark chophouse at the base of Mount Helix and were mightily impressed. We weren’t expecting a Morton’s or Ruth’s Chris, but maybe something in between those high-end steak places and Outback. On that visit, Charcoal House didn’t disappoint.

We went back about two years later but didn’t stay. The carpeting was uprooted, exposing the concrete floor. It looked like some heavy remodeling was going on, so we dined elsewhere.

But our expectations were high when we returned on a recent Saturday night. Until we heard about the filet-challenged kitchen. I wanted to scream, “This is a major dining-out night, this is a steakhouse, so get someone to drive over to Vons or Albertsons and pick up a bunch of filets.”

Incredibly, the carpeting was still gone. We asked the waitress why. “There were some problems with the replacement carpet so they decided to just leave it this way,” she said. Now I wanted to scream, “Call Empire Carpet immediately and get this hideous-looking floor covered up tomorrow!” Followed by, “Wipe down these menu jackets once in a while!” because they were covered with stains and grit.

OK, I know: All of the above, plus dark, wood-paneled walls, tufted red-leather booths, brown Naugahyde-covered tables and dead light bulbs don’t matter that much if the food is delicious and memorable. Unfortunately, it was neither.

I hate to be a food curmudgeon, so let’s just say I’d like to see Charcoal House revert to its former delicious self. In the meantime, here are a few things the House’s management can chew on:

• Bread comes with entrees, but only if you ask for it. Good thing we asked. Bad thing that it was nothing special, just toasted French bread with a little butter and garlic spread on one side.
• Our sampler seafood appetizer ($9.95) sounded like a good thing, but it consisted of seriously over-fried regular and popcorn shrimp, crab-stuffed mushrooms that actually were nickel-sized mushrooms encased in some kind of imitation crab goop, and seriously over-fried calamari strips. Everything tasted fresh—fresh off the shelf.
• The soup and salad that came with our entrees but before the appetizer also were nothing to write home about. The French onion soup was saltier than a sailor on shore leave after months at sea, and the salad was a mix of both wilted and unripe ingredients.
• For entrees, we ordered top sirloin ($14.95) and prime rib ($17.95), both medium rare, with sides of twice-baked potato and rice. The sirloin arrived extremely rare, the prime rib as ordered but cold. We sent both back for remedial work. After a long wait, the replacement sirloin was cooked right but full of gristle, and the prime rib was nuked into a gray, tasteless mass of something resembling meat. The potato was gluey and the water-engorged rice way overcooked. That sealed it for us. We stuffed the replacement entrees into takeout boxes and gave them a decent burial. At least the manager deducted the price of the appetizer to atone for the kitchen's sins.
• Something my companion ate contained MSG. How do we know? Because she broke into a rash immediately. And the flying insect that landed on our bread … let’s just say it really bugged us.
• Our waitress didn’t offer once to refill our water and Coke glasses. Like the bread, we had to ask. She said she was actually the bar hostess and not used to serving. That’s why we didn’t leave a stellar tip.

It quickly became apparent that the dining side of Charcoal House isn’t the money pit. That honor goes to the karaoke bar, home of one of the few nightly venues in the county. As our few fellow diners trickled out, leaving only us and four or five un-bussed tables, the bar was just getting revved up. Nothing like karaoke to break the mood in a steakhouse.

A few minutes later, when we paid our bill of $38.22 including credit for the appetizer and before tax and tip, the joint was jumpin’. We had imbibed with the karaokians on our first visit and found them to be a friendly if slightly tipsy crowd. Look at reviews on any of the social sites to see what other patrons think of the ambiance. I won’t go there.

Please, Charcoal House management, take this as constructive criticism: A lot of people say they like your place because it hasn’t changed in years. Replace the light bulbs, clean off the menus, buy the freshest provisions, send your chef to a refresher course at a culinary school and train all your servers in the fine art of customer satisfaction. Then roll out your carpeting—any carpeting—and we’d gladly return to experience your glory days all over again.